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Archive for the ‘壮言壮语’ Category

我质量好

27 Dec

早起和妈妈淘气,被妈妈抓住两只脚丫,拖倒,砰的一下一屁股墩到床上。
妈妈哈哈笑:“屁股摔破了没有?”
壮壮也哈哈笑:“没有。我质量好。”

 
 

爸爸出差了

26 Dec

一大早,壮壮睁开眼睛就很低调的跟妈妈说:“妈妈,我告诉你一个很不好的消息噢。”

妈妈问,是什么啊?

壮壮说:“爸爸要出差了!要出去很久哦!”

妈妈呜呜的哭了起来。

壮壮马上安慰妈妈:“妈妈,你别这么悲伤嘛,等爸爸走了,我们就可以想干什么就干什么了!”

 
 

穿越

08 Dec

有段时间妈妈迷上了“穿越剧”,整天晴川四阿哥八阿哥,弄得人七荤八素,一愣一愣的。壮壮作为妈妈的坚定追随者,自然也是耳熟能详。

某日,一家人去欢乐谷,爸爸开车,壮壮和妈妈坐后排,一路有说有笑。快到交大立交的最后一个右转路口,爸爸看前方无车,转弯也未减速,只是松掉了油门。突然,横空杀来一个小三轮,爸爸赶忙刹车,有惊无险。不过在巨大的惯性作用下,壮壮从车的最右边漂移到最左边。妈妈吓得遭不住,正准备谴责爸爸,壮壮来了一句很经典的话,再一次震惊全场————

“我穿越了!”

 
 

谁让你跟他结婚?

24 Nov

爸爸昨天应酬归来,吐得一塌糊涂。

妈妈跟壮壮说:“你爸爸臭烘烘的,把我们家弄得乱七八糟,我们把他赶出去好不好?”

壮壮:“不行啊~~”

妈妈:“但是他那么臭的嘛!”

壮壮:“谁让你跟他结婚~~”

妈妈:“。。。。。。。不结婚怎么能有你呢?”

壮壮恍然大悟:“妈妈你是不是因为想跟我在一起,所以就随便找了一个男生结婚啊?”

 
 

收废品

26 Sep

现在被爸爸惯出了个坏毛病:睡觉的时候就一定要讲故事、讲故事、没完没了的讲故事。
壮壮都能总结出来:妈妈给我讲只能讲一个故事,爸爸可以不停的讲,讲到我睡着为止。
很多天睡觉都是如此,亢奋得滚来滚去睡不着。妈妈怒,用收废品的老头来了威胁她。
听说收废品的来了,就老实多了。

今天吃午饭的时候,突然自己沉思良久,问妈妈:“妈妈,是不是开车来的就是普通的收废品的,开飞机来的才是捉小孩的啊?”

 
 

穿新鞋

21 Sep

秋天了,妈妈把给壮壮买的新鞋拿出来。
壮壮很喜欢。
出门要下楼的时候,妈妈蹲下给她整理衣裳和裤子,她伸出双手做出“妈妈抱”的姿势。
妈妈:“这么大了,妈妈抱不动哦。”
壮壮:“我今天穿的新鞋哦,你难道不要抱我一下?”

 
 

英明

07 Sep

妈妈闲来无事,吹捧(爸爸注:应为调侃。)爸爸打发时间。
妈妈:老公,我觉得你真是太英明了!你怎么总是做这么英明的决定呢?
爸爸冷静:那都是因为我有一个英明的老婆!!!
壮壮旁听到了,非常不满:难道你没有一个英明的娃娃吗?
……
妈妈:壮壮,英明是什么意思?
壮壮思考了一下:不知道。

 
 

毫不客气

07 Sep

晚上,爸爸给壮壮讲《逃跑的彩蛋》,故事的结尾是——“维尼毫不客气地喝光了所有的蜂蜜,一点儿也没剩下!”

壮壮马上接了过去:爸爸你上次出差的时候,不让我打大富翁,我毫不客气地就挂了电话!

 
 

谦让

05 Sep

妈妈剥柚子,喊壮壮过来吃。

壮壮环顾一下,餐桌周围的凳子都被她搬走搭火车了,唯一剩下的被妈妈坐了。

壮壮:“妈妈,你在剥柚子给我吃,你比较累,所以我让你坐着,我站着。”

妈妈默默地想:怎么变成你让的了?明明是我自己搬的。于是回答她:“嗯,好。”

壮壮见妈妈没领会到她的意思,进一步提示:“可是我站着也很累啊!”

 
 

下雨

05 Sep

今年秋天,炎热一直持续,壮壮也不时在家里用妈妈的语气感叹:“秋老虎真是太厉害了!”

妈妈埋怨爸爸:“老公你不是说你一洗车就要下雨的嘛,为什么你昨天洗了车,今天还没下???”

爸爸专心开车假装没有听到,壮壮插话了:“妈妈,你说要下雨嘛,外公听到了就会往下泼水,这样就下雨了。”(额,妈妈告诉过她,外公在天上…)

 
 
 
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